Tina Mancusi: I Write

The Law of Transmutation of Energy. Change is all there is. You can direct this change with your thoughts. The Law of Vibration. Also known as the law of attraction. Like attracts like. The Law of Relativity. Everything only has a value in comparison to something else. The Law of Polarity. Everything has an opposite and cannot exist otherwise. All opposites are just different degrees of the same thing. The Law of Rhythm. Life has a pattern, everything flows in cycles. The Law of Cause and Effect Also called the law of harvest: What you sow so shall you reap. The Law of Gender. Every seed has a gestation period. Whatever you want already exists you just have to know and trust that it is coming.

I sat with my thoughts and more often than not... I have the all knowing idea. I flow through it soo gracefully, in my head. It makes good-great sense. With ease. I know how valuable this is. I know I need to get it out there. I know that this is the truth of me. I am soo deep in my head with this, and I live through it. I feel as though I did and I realize I put nothing tangible out there but I did, I did experience it...... completely sooo ... did I ??

It's morning and I'm having a meeting with the voices in my head. They are all in disagreement. Sorting out the chatter and the words that make sense. This is keeping me up at night and trust me I have no defense. I am quietly listening and then when I speak, I can't decipher which voice I've reached. We all need to come to some sort of agreement. They all reply at once. If you think this is madness, then you should visit us at lunch.

The seedy bars and topless cars work there way down the street of my world. The beat poets and the nothing no its try and try to stop the lie. Redneck girls living in brooklyn. Karma is the best payoff. I wait for a solid stoic sign.

Coffee & Smokes A lot of staring wondering day tripping Some one makes small talk with me I just stare Lost track of a good thought Small talk sucks

Music guy......"I give it 1 year." Me......."Until ?" Music guy......."Until you have a deal?" Me......."With who?" Music Guy......Many people. I can't believe you don't have a deal yet." Me......"Should I ?" Music Guy......"I think you should. Do you want a deal? I'll get you a deal." Me......"With who ?" Music guy......."Name it." Me......."God." Music guy........"Come on...I mean ...someone that can really help you." Me...........

A 75 year old Fruit Peddlers Son

 My mom got an i POD as well as $200 in i TUNES credits. I helped set everything up for her so all she had to do was download away. I was in the other room, trying to get some writing done, when I heard her singing - loudly. She called me into her computer room & said , " this was the first song you ever sang. You were 3 & you would sing the chorus over and over." It was Carole Kings "Too Late Baby." Then she asked if I remebered this song, then that song, then another and another. I was speachless while she was playing & downloading songs she use to play when I was a child. She spanned the spectrum. From soul to rock & roll to the women of the 60's to disco. This list just went on. Suddenly I got that feeling again. The feeling when I first discoverd music. The way it moved me, the way it frightened me, the way it filled me up. I knew my mom had a musical influence on me but didn't realize just how much until that night. My mom is so damn cool ! 

" Promise me that you'll never loose your childlike innocence." " I promise. " " I wish I knew you .. when I was a kid. " " Me too. "

 

7-17-07

I was watching one of my favorite travel shows "Globe Trekker" South Africa was the trip. An incredible women named Minnie opened her home to aids orphans. She spends 2 to 3 hours collecting food then cooks for up to 6 hours and feeds over 500 children every day. Without her, most of these kids would not eat. When asked why she did this, she said "The children have to eat"

" It was a pleasure talking with you last nite. Ours was one one the best conversations I've had in a very long time. I was trying to figure out who you remind me of. I realized it was what you reminded me of. You remind me of an indian summer. "

i found myself staring at the cieling at 3am. i reached up to feel the crackel and realized it was just fuzz in my eye. i continued to stare. i want to write this down but can't find the pen. i want to scream but can't find the voice. i want to stop wanting but can't stop the feeling. i continue to stare. i want to close my eyes but they are wide open. i'm inside. i'm glued to the spot. i'm searching for a clear face. i want a smoke.i need to find a light.

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!”

My colorful apartment my big warm bed Some food on my table And really good friends My old guitar My favorite pen A book of poems My tape recorder Just in case I find a melody To put in place The freedom to just be Everyday A simple life A peaceful way This is my happy day

This is my saving grace the wind slapping my face the hand apon my waist the crashing to my knees the constant bed that rocks the ticking of the clock the devilish smile that stops me the moment that is still the instant thrill the constant spin i'm in the taste of absolute sin the feel the way the sound the name This is my saving grace

My soul is the sum total of every feeling I have ever had.
The process of creation starts with thought.
Nothing exists in my world that didn't first exist as a pure thought.
Everything I say is my thought expressed.
Actions are words moving.

My favorite deli man hands me a tip. Stay away from ishy. He's bad news. Then he hands me the paper and a pack of smokes. I walked down the sweaty street thinkin....thinkin.... What happened to ishy? Why did he stray? Who was the band of demons he's been keepin company with? I never see him at the park anymore. We haven't played a good game of handball in 3 years. And then it hit me. He went down with J. He started the spin when J got hit. He became a recluse. He stopped answering calls. He gave up on his life. I miss the old ishy.

I climbed the highest hill in Brno. I heard a Slovakian band that made me rethink music. I kept company with an underground, traveling, gypsy, artist community. I camped at the Dead Sea. I prayed at the western wall. I was lost in the desserts of Israel. I rode my bicycle across the city of Amsterdam. I went topless on a Barcelona beach. I drove across Germany & Czech Republic in an RV. I found my favorite book & favorite pint in Dublin. I saw amazing art at the Tate in London. I traveled a hotel train across France and Spain. I discovered Ravello …a tiny town in southern Italy. I had the most authentic Italian meal in Atrani. I braved driving along the Amalfi Coast. I train hoped from Rome to Positano. I discount shopped in Essexx. I had burger king in Budapest. I  danced the night away in Prague. I performed in Berlin. I ate french fries under the Eiffel Tower. I had sushi in Eilat. I had dinner at sundown in Jerusalem (the old city). I walked a 10 mile beach in Akko. I stood on the border with Egypt. I had cold coffee in Switzerland. I wept at the sight of the crucifixion. I saw the most brilliant sunset in Negev. I realized, there is so much more to see.

I'm just listening to Your music, that I have found on MySpace. Outside is brown and gray foggy evening. Sun didn't appear for two days, and everywhere is just silence and strange mood full of internal strugles with the shades of lonelyness. One of those evenings, which can be only here in Bohemia. And your music amazingly fits in this mood, like wind that blows away the last leafs from the aspen tree. Inspirative Seems You have gained a fan in me. Congrats... Let me know if you would be somewhere around, I will show you inspirative places than. Vitezslav Kaspar (Prague, Central Bohemia, Czech Republic)

definition: divine, unconditional, self-sacrificing, active, volitional, and thoughtful love overflowing love that seeks nothing in return. Practice this....

The truth is, she liked her life. Wearing her party dress. Matching 4 inch heels. The red lipstick to show off her eyes. She was a buxom beauty. Of herself, she was unapologetic. She was a non-conformist. She was hard to give up. She usually went out alone. She would smile more than she should. She never concerned herself with corporate men. She loved the smell of leather. She was taken by a good wool suit. She liked baseball. Her hair was long, thick and rich. She was to quick witted. Her swagger was to alluring. She had little fear. She had complete faith in God. She didn't belong here.

Last nite, as I was playing my guitar, I started feeling sentimental about the instrument. I thought of the story behind recieving it. I want to share it with you. In the early 90's I worked at a recording studio named Electric Lady Land. I befriended a co worker, one Jeff Archuleta. An incredibly talented, aspiring engineer who was also one of the funniest guys I have ever known. Sadly, Jeff decided to move back to Bolder, Colorado. When moving day came, I helped him pack up. We spent the day in his super cool apt on 13street & 2ave going through all the many things he had aquired while living in nyc. We packed clothes, nick nacks, chachkys, you name it. He had 2 guitars mounted on his wall. He took one down & said to me " Teeny, you need to have this. Promise me you'll play it." He gave me a wooden, old, light brown, acoustic Goya. I strummed it & had a feeling. The sounds were warm & full & sweet & me. The serial # on the guitar was my birthday in correct order. I was ment to own this guitar. The Goya. So....Hey ...... Jeff, if your out there, the Goya changed my life. I miss your crazy face!

1 month in israel. The sunsets, the beach, the dead sea, the flowers and palm trees, holidays, the food, the air, the holy land, ma & aba , pokie in the woods, good friends, a campfire, long drives, long talks, churches & temples, little villages, simple lives, mountains & deserts. 

My gentle friend, your precious soul will be painfully missed.
You are in my heart ... always.